Underneath These Stars.

Underneath these stars tonight. The slow moving swirls of purple clouds. I wait. Because You've called me to. Not because I want to. I look at the stars. Amazed. They wait quietly. Beautifully. They are at peace. They are still. No questions. No chaos. Some silently dance across the midnight sky. While still others wait for their time. Oh Lord. Teach me their patience. Their serenity.

Tonight my heart is turning violently inside my chest. It's breaking Lord. And this time it's not my fault. And all I can do is wait. I can't stand and fight. I can't run. I'm just standing still. With small forced breaths. And tears flowing like rivers down my cheeks.

They are all I can think about. The ones I love so dear. Are so unknown to me. They should know me the best, but they barely know me. They don't know my joys. My pains. My hopes. My dreams. Most importantly, they don't understand my heart for You. They don't know You. My life is foolish to them. A mystery.

Day after day, I wait. I wait for a phone call. I wait for a visit. I wait for a question. Everyday I pray for a change of heart. I pray they finally see Your beauty. Your majesty. Your splendor. Your Love. But as for now, I wait.

You see, for a while, I was angry. I was hurt. I sought love elsewhere. Anywhere. I felt unworthy. Flawed. But then You got hold of my heart again. After a long, painful struggle. But Your forgiveness allowed me to forgive. Your love allowed me to love. I forgave. And I loved them. And I haven't stopped.

It's been three years now. Their hearts are still hard. But I'm not giving up. I'm not losing heart. You're teaching me what having steadfast love feels like. What having unconditional love feels like. Even if it's unmatched. You are my father. You will love me. You will strengthen me. You will support me. My own flesh and blood may abandon me. But You won't.

I have faith You are working. Even if I don't see change. I have faith you are moving. Even if they aren't. I have faith that you hear me. And understand me. Even if they don't.

So I wait here tonight. Crying these tears. But not because I don't trust You. I cry because they are lost. Like wandering stars. Lost in the deep black of the night sky. They are greatly deceived by the evil one. They are broken. I long for them to know the secret to everlasting joy. To eternal life. I long for them to be radiant. And unashamed. Living without fear. Without condemnation. Come to their rescue. Father save their souls. Like You saved mine.