Waiting.

Waiting... Is good. Wait. What? Yep. It's good. The best thing for us. It grows us. Matures us. You make me wait out of love, not punishment. The saying goes that everything good is worth waiting for. Maybe there is some truth to that.

I continually long after worthless things. I need to be longing after You alone... The rest will follow in it's own time. Whether or not we like the timing is a different story. You decide. You plan. You cause to happen. I must obey. Where You send me, I must go. What you give me, I must joyfully accept. Even if I don't understand why. I'm not called to understand all of Your ways. I'm called to follow Your commands. Not make my own.

The funny thing is... I know You have a perfect plan. I know it. My life has enough proof to convince any jury. You have my life mapped out like a skilled sailor. No turn or wave has gone unnoticed. Each perfectly planned for and each one perfectly guarded by You. The waves may get rough and the turns may get sharp... But You are there. You navigate me through and all I can do is wait. And hopefully wait in patience. Although with me, there's no guarantee of that.

I'm the classic case of here and now. Fast food. Instant results. But I've got a feeling You are about to break that trend. Right now I need to either learn to be patient or go crazy. I've taken the crazy road far too many times and gotten no where. I need to try the patience thing. It will be good for me. Maybe painful, but good. Growth can come from pain if I choose to trust You with it. Because like childhood growing pains, I need a little pain while I'm growing. And I know that growing comes from waiting. So I'll wait. And I'll try to do it quietly.

You.

When I'm happy.
Content.
Joyful.
You Smile With Me.

When I'm still.
At Peace
Quiet.
You Move Me.

When I'm On Fire.
Zealous.
Bold.
You Challenge Me.

When I'm Losing Strength.
Worn Down.

Tired.

You Restore Me.

When I'm Lost.
Confused.
Afraid.
You Guide Me.

When I'm Fighting You.
Unforgiving.
Angry.
You Hold Me.

When I'm Restless.
Discontent.
Impatient.
You Quiet Me.

When I'm Ignoring You.
Running.
Hiding.
You Chase Me.

When I'm Ashamed.
Full Of Self-Pity.
Embarrassed.
You Rejoice Over Me.

When I'm Alone.
Unworthy.
Invisible.
You Love Me Completely.

Battles.

The war is over. Christ has already won. But the fight continues. I'm hard pressed on all sides but He won't let me be crushed. He gives me strength. He doesn't let me be destroyed. And He never abandons me. He's fighting beside me. And dancing over me. But I'm still fighting.

It seems that everyday is the same battle. The Devil is in my head. Feeding me the worst lies. And sometimes I make the mistake of believing them. The invisible battles are the hardest. No one sees them. But they are the realist thing I have ever felt. I don't wish to fight this again. But I've given it to the Lord a hundred times and I've taken it back a hundred and one.

Why do I continue to fight this? Why don't I let Him have it and see what He does with it? I've made enough of a mess already. I want to feel Him guarding my heart... Without me pulling it back selfishly. I don't know what's best for me. And I never will. But He does. And He is setting things up perfectly. With no help from me. But He will keep doing it anyway.

My head keeps screaming at me to get things off my chest. To tell everyone. But He says no. He tells me to wait. It's not time yet. He has it covered. But my head refuses to listen. And my heart is caught in between. Sometimes my heart goes unnoticed amidst the fight. The daily fight I face. But He hasn't let my heart be taken yet. He continues to fight on. He won't back down. He won't give in. He won't lose. Because, remember, the war is already won.

Just A Branch.

Just a branch. Not a root. Sometimes I forget that. I forget that when it comes down to it, I don't really matter. God doesn't need to use me. God doesn't need to provide for me. Luckily He does both. But He doesn't have to.

I'm a branch. Worse yet, a grafted branch. Once dead and lifeless. A dead, dingy brown. He picked me up. He shook me. He saw potential. The painful process of grafting began. It takes a lot to restore a life. But He did it anyways.He saw a soft heart in need and He took it. I frequently ask why. He willing decided to use me. A poor, dead branch. Not because He needed me. Not because His greatness wouldn't be seen without me. He use me because He wanted to.

He is still using me. Not because I deserve it. Remember, I'm nothing but a branch. He is using me because He wants me to learn and feel what it means to live like His Son. He uses me so I can be transformed and molded into a disciple and sister of Christ.

But the beauty of it all is this... I can take no credit for this. It's a beautiful love story actually. Christ saw me, the lost slave of sin, and chose me. He loved me with everything He had to win my lost, weak heart. And let's not forget that through it all, I am still just a branch. One little branch. A once dead, but now restored, branch. Not a strong, important, life-supplying root. Just a branch.

But I'll take being a branch any day.

The Call of Boldness.

I'm not naturally the bold time. I would rather keep my mouth shut. Keep others happy. But He never allows that. I hate seeing others in discomfort. I do everything to make sure I'm not a burden. But He doesn't want that. Not at all.

We are called to be bold. We are called to have power. Not be timid. I've been too good at that last one for too long. Luckily, our God is strong enough to cover our weaknesses. Luckily, our God is bold. Luckily, our God has a plan. He won't settle for second hand thoughts and second rate lies. He will push and push and push until He gets through. And He will get though. He always does. We may try to cheat Him. We may try to deceive Him. He knows. He feels it. He hates it. But He still loves us. Why we may never know.

A thousand times I've spit in His face. He remains. He will continue to remain. But now He is calling me. He has a mission for me. I need to take it. He is there ahead of me, clearing my path. Preparing hearts. I just need to step out and go. I can no longer hide. I can no longer allow myself to be ashamed. He is calling me to be more than I've ever dream. And I can't back down from His call. I am a saint. He will guard me. He won't leave me to be disgraced. Even though I spit in His face far too many times. He is my shield. My Rock.

Life.

Breathing. But dead. Eyes open. But asleep. Running. But getting no where. All the vital signs point to life. But there is more to life than breathing. Sometimes life requires death. Too often I forget that. Too often I think that I'm worth more by the deeds I do. Why is it so easy to forget God's perfect grace? Why do I question His ways?

Foolishness can be blinding. Lies can be luring to a sinful flesh. Death is what is asked. Christ was put to death for me. He died for me while I was still sinful. He requires nothing but love in return. And sometimes love means death. Sometimes love means pain. Sometimes love means sacrifice. I was called to put to death my old self when I chose to put on Christ's love.

Why do I insist on trying to restore life to my old flesh? It has nothing for me. It has nothing worth saving. Christ restored a full and new life to me when I said yes to him. With that full and new life comes promises and plans I'm too simple minded to really comprehend. My old self wants nothing to do with the righteousness to which I'm called. I'm supposed to live apart from this world. I'm supposed to shine like a lighthouse. Shine like a star. Lead the lost home to new life in God. And that might mean pain. And sacrifice. I'm being called daily to live a life of dying to my wants and desires.

But through it all, Christ delights in me. He loves me with a passionate love. An undeserved love. The God of the Universe is reminding me daily of His deep love for me.

His sunrises. His snowflakes. His late night thunderstorms. His sunsets. His stars.

They are all His. And He gives them freely to win my heart. He gives them freely to bring me joy. To overwhelm me with love. He reminds me to do the same to those around me. Find the lost and bring them home. Show them the love that Christ has given me. I'm called to live in His death. And to restore life to others as I do. God gives sunrises, can't I give smiles? He gives thunderstorms, can't I give my time? He gives stars, can't I give sympathy? It's actually simple. Just pass on the freedom of life that has been freely given to me. I'm not expected to do more than possible. Just give. Share what's being continually given to me. Step out in faith with boldness. That's it. That's all. Live my life as a reflection of God.

Our Eyes.

Down. We keep looking down. Why do we think that we can find answers here? If we continue to look around, we will forever see evil deeds. We will be destined to watch misery all the days of our lives. If we look to ourselves, there will be pain and fighting. Destruction and death. Are we ready for the righteous to outnumber the wicked?

Day after day we look but we don't really see. We hear but we forget to listen. Open our eyes Lord. Our eyes are looking up. Our eyes are on you Lord. Watching. Waiting. We are turning our gazes upwards to the Heavens in anticipation.

How long must we wait to for you? Open our eyes to see you in the land of the living. for the Lord our God is living among us. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in us with gladness. With His love, He will calm all our fears. He will rejoice over us with joyful songs. Lord! Open our eyes because we are tired of sleeping in and missing your glory. We are tired of missing our mission from you. We are so tired of sleeping in.

Give us your eyes. Show us your vision. Let us see the broken. Let us see your pain. But also let us see your miracles. Let us see your love and compassion. Let us look and be amazed! For you are doing something in our own day, something we won't believe even if someone told us about it. Lord, you can't stand in the sight of evil. Let us stand for you. Let us not be afraid to stand and be seen. Our eyes, oh Lord, yes. We lift our eyes to you and to you alone. We fix our sight on you. Lead us where you may. We will follow. Across the sea. To foreign lands. We will follow you. To pain. To our deaths. We will follow.