I've Seen.

Land of the free. Home of the brave. Well. Maybe.

We, as a country, are free. But not the freedom You intended. Too many girls are slaves to the culture. Too many girls are slaves to their friends. Too many girls are slaves of their families.

I've seen girls pushed to perfection by family and friends. Only to end up broken and defeated.
I've seen girls wishing they were dead. And I've seen some who try to make it happen.
I've seen girls starving themselves to look like the girls in the magazines. And maybe catch a boys attention.
I've seen girls cut their own flesh to feel something. Anything.
I've seen girls take endless amounts of diet pills to keep her boyfriend happy. And to stop her own father from making fun of her weight.
I've seen girls start to drink at age 14 because "everyone" was doing it.
I've seen girls hide their faith to keep a few friends. I've seen those friends leave.
I've seen girls unloved by their family because her parents are caught up in their own mess.
I've seen girls who never heard I love you from their dad. And have sought other boys instead.
I've seen girls who can't look in the mirror. Afraid of what they might see.
I've seen girls feel hopelessly unbeautiful because that's how their mothers were.
I've seen girls shrivel into nothing because that's all they've ever been treated as.
I've seen girls lose all convictions and morals just to feel some sort of love. Any love. From a boy.

I know it breaks Your heart, Lord, because it's breaking mine. I was some of these girls once. Before I saw the hope in You. Now, I know some of these girls far too well. And I've seen too many like them. Land of the free? More like Land of the Captives. Lord, but You know it doesn't have to be this way. If parents would only see the weight they carry in their children's lives. Things could be different. I long for that. I pray for that.

Where are the fathers willing to openly show their love? The mothers to be a guide? Where are the willing ones? The brave ones? We are losing a generation to the slavery of culture. To the power of sin. Home of the brave? Home of the broken.

So now here we are. Land of the Captives. Home of the Broken. Lord. How did this happen? Only a mighty work from Your hand can save us. The further we slip from Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, the closer to compete destruction we get. Restore us, O Lord. Show us Your will. Show us Your way.

Grace Is Raining. Love Is Pouring.

Grace is raining. Love is pouring. From His hands. From His side. You can see it in the sky tonight. You can feel it in the breeze. He's calling now. Longing for me to draw near to Him. He wants to show Himself to me. He wants to protect me. He knows the sinful flesh I fight. He sees my struggle. He hears the cry of the godly. He saves them time and again.

Grace is raining. Love is pouring. I am a saint who sins. Not a sinner anymore. My sinful flesh rebels from time to time. And my heart breaks when it does. He has compassion. He loves me still. He isn't disappointed. He isn't angry. It's my own guilt that gets in between us. His thoughts of me never change. No matter what I do. He is sees me as His daughter. His treasure. His delight. He sees me as holy and blameless. So that is what I am. I am who He sees me as. That's who I am. My thoughts of me mean nothing. Others thoughts of me mean nothing. All that matters is who He sees me as.

Grace is raining. Love is pouring. He has conquered sin. And the power of sin. It has lost it's grip on me. I can say no. I can choose Him. I can love Him more. I can show the power of Christ. Be a light. Be an example. Show love. No worries in life. No fear in death. He is with me. Shoulder to shoulder. And face to face.

Grace is raining. Love is pouring.

You Are Faithful.

Lord. You are faithful. Even when I'm not. Even when I want to run and hide. You are faithful. So many times recently I have thought about doing just that. Running. Hiding. Pretending I was different. In a different place. A different city. Anywhere. And that's usually what I do. I'm a runner by nature. I run to avoid. Run to escape. Run to hide. But You wouldn't let me go. You wouldn't let me leave. You called me to be still. And luckily. I listened..

I've been praying for over a year for this day. And Lord. You answered. I had begun believing that You were ignoring my plea. But today the answer came. Lord. You are faithful. I called. You answered. You came through. But it is painful sometimes. You answer according to Your will, not mine. And it hurts. But the simple fact that You did answer proves Your love.

Month after month I've prayed that You would break my heart so You could claim it fully as Your own. And I thought I was there. I thought You had it all. But I was wrong. The wonderful thing is... I feel that You have broken my heart completely out of love. And though there is pain, I can feel You slowing repairing the destruction.

Lord. Teach me to dream again. Teach me to love. Teach me to wait. Teach me to move. Teach me to be bold. Teach me to be free. Teach me to fight the good fight. With my whole heart.

Even though my unfaithfulness rings loud and clear... You know my heart. You know my love for You. I know I don't deserve Your love. I know I'm completely unworthy of such a wonderful friend. I know You are watching over me tonight. I know You are near. And that is what is keeping me here. My body longs to run. Far. Away from here. Somewhere different. Somewhere new. But Your love is keeping me here. Your love has kept my feet and my roots firmly planted. I will not run. I will not hide. I couldn't escape You even if I tried. Your steadfast love and faithfulness endure forever. And I am so grateful for that.

Lord. You are faithful.

Waiting.

Waiting... Is good. Wait. What? Yep. It's good. The best thing for us. It grows us. Matures us. You make me wait out of love, not punishment. The saying goes that everything good is worth waiting for. Maybe there is some truth to that.

I continually long after worthless things. I need to be longing after You alone... The rest will follow in it's own time. Whether or not we like the timing is a different story. You decide. You plan. You cause to happen. I must obey. Where You send me, I must go. What you give me, I must joyfully accept. Even if I don't understand why. I'm not called to understand all of Your ways. I'm called to follow Your commands. Not make my own.

The funny thing is... I know You have a perfect plan. I know it. My life has enough proof to convince any jury. You have my life mapped out like a skilled sailor. No turn or wave has gone unnoticed. Each perfectly planned for and each one perfectly guarded by You. The waves may get rough and the turns may get sharp... But You are there. You navigate me through and all I can do is wait. And hopefully wait in patience. Although with me, there's no guarantee of that.

I'm the classic case of here and now. Fast food. Instant results. But I've got a feeling You are about to break that trend. Right now I need to either learn to be patient or go crazy. I've taken the crazy road far too many times and gotten no where. I need to try the patience thing. It will be good for me. Maybe painful, but good. Growth can come from pain if I choose to trust You with it. Because like childhood growing pains, I need a little pain while I'm growing. And I know that growing comes from waiting. So I'll wait. And I'll try to do it quietly.

You.

When I'm happy.
Content.
Joyful.
You Smile With Me.

When I'm still.
At Peace
Quiet.
You Move Me.

When I'm On Fire.
Zealous.
Bold.
You Challenge Me.

When I'm Losing Strength.
Worn Down.

Tired.

You Restore Me.

When I'm Lost.
Confused.
Afraid.
You Guide Me.

When I'm Fighting You.
Unforgiving.
Angry.
You Hold Me.

When I'm Restless.
Discontent.
Impatient.
You Quiet Me.

When I'm Ignoring You.
Running.
Hiding.
You Chase Me.

When I'm Ashamed.
Full Of Self-Pity.
Embarrassed.
You Rejoice Over Me.

When I'm Alone.
Unworthy.
Invisible.
You Love Me Completely.

Battles.

The war is over. Christ has already won. But the fight continues. I'm hard pressed on all sides but He won't let me be crushed. He gives me strength. He doesn't let me be destroyed. And He never abandons me. He's fighting beside me. And dancing over me. But I'm still fighting.

It seems that everyday is the same battle. The Devil is in my head. Feeding me the worst lies. And sometimes I make the mistake of believing them. The invisible battles are the hardest. No one sees them. But they are the realist thing I have ever felt. I don't wish to fight this again. But I've given it to the Lord a hundred times and I've taken it back a hundred and one.

Why do I continue to fight this? Why don't I let Him have it and see what He does with it? I've made enough of a mess already. I want to feel Him guarding my heart... Without me pulling it back selfishly. I don't know what's best for me. And I never will. But He does. And He is setting things up perfectly. With no help from me. But He will keep doing it anyway.

My head keeps screaming at me to get things off my chest. To tell everyone. But He says no. He tells me to wait. It's not time yet. He has it covered. But my head refuses to listen. And my heart is caught in between. Sometimes my heart goes unnoticed amidst the fight. The daily fight I face. But He hasn't let my heart be taken yet. He continues to fight on. He won't back down. He won't give in. He won't lose. Because, remember, the war is already won.

Just A Branch.

Just a branch. Not a root. Sometimes I forget that. I forget that when it comes down to it, I don't really matter. God doesn't need to use me. God doesn't need to provide for me. Luckily He does both. But He doesn't have to.

I'm a branch. Worse yet, a grafted branch. Once dead and lifeless. A dead, dingy brown. He picked me up. He shook me. He saw potential. The painful process of grafting began. It takes a lot to restore a life. But He did it anyways.He saw a soft heart in need and He took it. I frequently ask why. He willing decided to use me. A poor, dead branch. Not because He needed me. Not because His greatness wouldn't be seen without me. He use me because He wanted to.

He is still using me. Not because I deserve it. Remember, I'm nothing but a branch. He is using me because He wants me to learn and feel what it means to live like His Son. He uses me so I can be transformed and molded into a disciple and sister of Christ.

But the beauty of it all is this... I can take no credit for this. It's a beautiful love story actually. Christ saw me, the lost slave of sin, and chose me. He loved me with everything He had to win my lost, weak heart. And let's not forget that through it all, I am still just a branch. One little branch. A once dead, but now restored, branch. Not a strong, important, life-supplying root. Just a branch.

But I'll take being a branch any day.