Glimpses

Every now and then we get glimpses. 

Glimpses of God's care. Of his realness. 

We live on a daily basis with glimpses of His plan. 

But we often miss the points where He shows His genuine love for us. 

But there are things… 

Sometimes tiny things that speak of His affection. 

Sometimes gigantic things that proclaim His endearment. 

Sometimes it's a caught moment. 

A sunrise. A sunset. A thunderstorm. A laugh. A smile. 

Sometimes it's a feeling. 

Pure joy. Unity. Complete contentment. Peace. 

Sometimes it's a change.

A new job. Instant friendship. Moving across country. Moving across town. Friends becoming soul mates.

We see these things every day. 

We experience them. We live them. 

Yet. We don't see them. 

We don't look at them and feel the weight of them. 

They are hints. They are whispers. 

They are even sometimes billboards blaring. Begging for our attention. 

We walk through life with our heads down. 

Sulking in lost dreams or unfulfilled plans. 

We walk with our heads down. 

Noticing the trash on the street instead of the glory in the skies. 

We don't have time to lift our eyes. 

We can't steady our shaking knees.  

Yet we keep walking. 

Hoping that we will make it on our own.

But that isn't His plan. 

That was never His plan. 

His glimpses are here. 

Find them.

Let them remind you of who's fighting for you.

He is. 

He will always be.

Full.

Am I a satisfied soul?
Do I not long for anything?
Am I not seeking anything?

If I am satisfied with this world and the things of this world, I will never long for God. I will never be thankful in all circumstances. If I am full of this world, I will grow bitter when the Lord tries to grow me. When the Lord's sovereign hand gives and takes away. Bitterness will take hold. Root itself deep in my heart.

But to a hungry soul, everything given is sweet.
Trials. Tribulations. Sorrow. Pain.
Are all sweet when our soul is craving the Lord. When our souls are filled by the world, we are temporarily satisfied. Momentarily filled. Until the hard times come.

What are we going to fill ourselves with?
What are we going to long for?
God or the world?
To be filled with momentary pleasure or to long for something eternal?

Sorrowful Joy.

This isn’t the easy way.
The path of least resistance.
No. This is more. Much more.
And deeper.

These are the hard choices made easily.
A love so real,
That even death cannot part.

This is the breaking of a heart;
A willing break;
The decision to die.
So that He can shine through my death.
His death cost too much for me to not live this way.
His death freed me.

A breaking heart in light of this is nothing.
The sound is one of joy,
Sorrowful joy.
Now I give. Everything.
With no second thought.

He had loved me completely.
And now I will gladly give it all away.
To speak truth,
To sharpen my sisters,
Means more than my broken heart.

“We should give our lives for our brothers and sisters.”
Our lives. Entirely.
There is more joy in giving than receiving.
I give my heart. For the Body of Christ.

I am training my heart.
That I may know His love for my sisters,
Above my love for myself.
Love is a choice. Not just a feeling.

I love you, sister. More than you realize.
Every word was spoken in pain.
I count none of it as loss.
Or sacrifice.

He can use me as He wishes.
It’s His right.
And my honor.
All for His glory.

The Valley.

Life hasn't bee easy.
But the Lord has dealt kindly with me.
Far better than I deserve.

I walked through the valley.
Desires pulling at my flesh.
Nagging until I gave in.
Lust. Betrayal. Lies.
Empty.

I walked through the valley.
Thoughts filling my head.
Filling me with self doubt.
Ugly. Loud. Unwanted.
Lonely.

I walked through the valley.
Pride decaying my bones.
Breaking me under it's weight.
Consumed. Pressured. Controlled.
Sinking.

I walked through the valley.
Sickness overtaking my body.
Somedays a struggle to move.
Fear. Confusion. Fragile.
Broken.

But He wasn't finished with me.
He kept me alive.
He saved me from the snares of death.
He kept me alive so I could die again.
A death of glory and joy. A death of freedom.
He brought me through the valley.
To see Him in His glory. His majesty. His power.

Life hasn't been easy.
But the Lord has dealt kindly with me.
Far better than I deserve.

It's Me.

"It's not you. It's me."
Really. What if it is?
What if I am to blame?
No. I didn't break any hearts.
But my mind is going crazy.

My brain won't stop.
It never stops.
I need to be constantly on guard.
Moment. By. Moment.

Sometimes I slip up.
I let my thoughts get away.
And lately it's happened too frequently.
I forget who I'm fighting against.
I give him ground.

The thoughts overwhelm me.
They change my views.
On life. On joy. On people.
They try to silence You.
And sometimes I let them.


I make things up in my head.
I create stories.
Painful stories full of lies.
Of things hoped for.
Of things easier.
I over-think every word.
Every look.
Every laugh.

That isn't Your plan.
You will surprise me.
You will challenge me.
You won't let me get by easy.

Yes. It is me.
That doesn't change the facts.
I know Truth.
I know You.
You are changing me.
But for now.
"It's me" will have to do.

Rebel

I've figured me out.

I've gotten to the heart of me.

I'm a rebel. A fighting rebel.

But I understand. It finally made sense.

Everything that has happened up til now.

Pain. Sorrow. Broken hearts.

Every tear full of purpose.

Laughter. Joy. Peace.

Every smile full of life.

You knew my heart before I did.

I refused to see the truth about me.

You meticulously broke me. Piece by piece.

You commanded each fraction as it fell.

And now I'm here.

Right where You wanted me.

At peace. Rested. Ready.

I'm changing. Growing up.

There is so much to say.

But I will be still.

My heart is restless.

But I will wait.

I want to tell the truth about how I feel.

But I will hold my tongue for a bit longer.

Speaking would be easier.

But Your time. Not mine.

You hold time within Your hand.

Your Will is what will be done.

I will patiently wait.

To see Your soverignty.

To witness Your power.

Home Is Where The Heart Is.

Home is where the heart is.
I've heard it time and time again. So often we think of a place. Somewhere we spent our childhood. Somewhere we've made our memories. Somewhere we feel safe and loved.

But what happens when your "home" doesn't add up?
I am loved by my family. Sometimes my heart breaks when I'm there. I am loved by my brothers and sisters. Sometimes I get let down. My whole life I have felt out of place. Like I wasn't meant for whatever place I landed. And the truth is, I'm not.

"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." Hebrews 13:14.

My home isn't here. And as much as I try to make it fit my mold. It won't happen. It can't happen. Because of the new heart that I have been given, I will never find my home here. If I did feel at home, I should be worried.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21.

The treasure I live for is to see Jesus Christ face to face in Heaven. Plain and Simple. It's not to be comfortable in this life. It's not to see 100 people come to know the Lord. My treasure is the day that I will get to bow at the feet of my Lord and proclaim that He is worthy of all praise.

My heart is there.
And home is there as well.
My heart is with Christ.
My home is with Christ.
Home is where the heart is.