Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Battles.

The war is over. Christ has already won. But the fight continues. I'm hard pressed on all sides but He won't let me be crushed. He gives me strength. He doesn't let me be destroyed. And He never abandons me. He's fighting beside me. And dancing over me. But I'm still fighting.

It seems that everyday is the same battle. The Devil is in my head. Feeding me the worst lies. And sometimes I make the mistake of believing them. The invisible battles are the hardest. No one sees them. But they are the realist thing I have ever felt. I don't wish to fight this again. But I've given it to the Lord a hundred times and I've taken it back a hundred and one.

Why do I continue to fight this? Why don't I let Him have it and see what He does with it? I've made enough of a mess already. I want to feel Him guarding my heart... Without me pulling it back selfishly. I don't know what's best for me. And I never will. But He does. And He is setting things up perfectly. With no help from me. But He will keep doing it anyway.

My head keeps screaming at me to get things off my chest. To tell everyone. But He says no. He tells me to wait. It's not time yet. He has it covered. But my head refuses to listen. And my heart is caught in between. Sometimes my heart goes unnoticed amidst the fight. The daily fight I face. But He hasn't let my heart be taken yet. He continues to fight on. He won't back down. He won't give in. He won't lose. Because, remember, the war is already won.

Just A Branch.

Just a branch. Not a root. Sometimes I forget that. I forget that when it comes down to it, I don't really matter. God doesn't need to use me. God doesn't need to provide for me. Luckily He does both. But He doesn't have to.

I'm a branch. Worse yet, a grafted branch. Once dead and lifeless. A dead, dingy brown. He picked me up. He shook me. He saw potential. The painful process of grafting began. It takes a lot to restore a life. But He did it anyways.He saw a soft heart in need and He took it. I frequently ask why. He willing decided to use me. A poor, dead branch. Not because He needed me. Not because His greatness wouldn't be seen without me. He use me because He wanted to.

He is still using me. Not because I deserve it. Remember, I'm nothing but a branch. He is using me because He wants me to learn and feel what it means to live like His Son. He uses me so I can be transformed and molded into a disciple and sister of Christ.

But the beauty of it all is this... I can take no credit for this. It's a beautiful love story actually. Christ saw me, the lost slave of sin, and chose me. He loved me with everything He had to win my lost, weak heart. And let's not forget that through it all, I am still just a branch. One little branch. A once dead, but now restored, branch. Not a strong, important, life-supplying root. Just a branch.

But I'll take being a branch any day.